Thursday, December 6, 2012

A Little Birdy Told Me

For the record, I like animals. Dogs with which to play fetch. Kitties to snuggle with, as long as they don't shed, hiss or stink. Okay, so I mostly like dogs..

But birds.

Some see birds as a delicate soul, soaring through an open sky with an instinct to be free as, well, a bird. And those people are. quite frankly, misguided.

It takes a lot to get my heart racing in fear, drop to the floor or find the closest human for shielding. However, this species of animal has succeeded by simply existing. They're flighty, they shit all over everything, and lastly, they have the ability to peck your eyes out (refer to Alfred Hitchcock, The Birds).

After some research based on my own human instincts, I have proof of my, to some, irrational fear of birds. The fact is, birds can carry diseases that are spread to humans more commonly than most animals.  And a good chunk of them are fatal. Aside from the obvious bird flu, others include  Histoplasmosis, a respiratory disease that may be fatal. It can be found on dried bird droppings. You do the math.

Another referred to as Candidiasis is a yeast or fungus infection spread by pigeons. This affects the skin, mouth, respiratory system, intestines, and urogenital tracts--that's right, ladies, the vagina. It's stated that this is a growing problem for women. No more blaming antibiotics or a drunken one night stand, birds are obviously the culprit. To top off a few of the 60+ diseases thrust upon us by birds--e-coli, bed bugs, mealworms and west nile virus.

Alright, okay. So not every bird has a disease. Not every bird will peck your eye out (theory I have yet to prove), but birds are notoriously known for finding the cleanest, shiniest car and go for a poop massacre. And that, in itself, should be enough. 

If you enjoy birds, possibly have a bird clock with a different chirp every hour, build bird houses. whatever bird past time you have, approach with caution. You may think they look sweet and innocent (ew), but they can turn on you at any given moment. 

Thanks for soundin' down.


catechism ( /ˈkætəkɪzəm/Ancient Greekκατηχισμός from kata = "down" + echein = "to sound", literally "to sound down" (into the ears), is a summary or exposition of doctrine, traditionally used in Christian religious teaching from New Testament times to the present.[1] Catechisms are doctrinal manuals often in the form of questions followed by answers to be memorized, a format that has been used in non-religious or secular contexts as well.

Alfred Hitchcock, The Birds