Thursday, December 13, 2012

Holla-Day Office Booze

Christmas--the time of year when you can, acceptedly, booze in front of your boss.

The Holiday--or as I will be referring to it, Holla-Day--Office Party is a night everyone looks forward to starting January 1st. You spend your everyday life in professional pants, even though pants may not be your favorite, and you are allotted one hall pass to throw some back with your co-workers.

A venue is chosen, not due to hospitality, but due to privacy. You may as well be inside a padded room because it's a law bound by blood that what happens at the office party, stays at the office party. Phones are collected at the door and your mind will be erased by the blinky thing on Men In Black, or a lush-ful helping of merlot.

Now, it's important to set the scene as though you are an animal defending your life from prey. Your first drink is a light beer or a depressingly small glass of wine that you could put down in one gulp, but decide to politely sip on until you can gage how much of and what everyone else is consuming. For whatever reason, it's important to use squinty eyes and lurking during this process.

At this point, if everyone is content with mannered sipping, finish your dinner, shake a few hands, then stumble into the closest bar and yell, "tequila!"

In my experience, however, office parties tend to be quite the surprise..

**I will officially remove any names or places to the following**

Christmastime, an allotted amount of time ago, was happening. I was a few months into my job and had made several acquaintances. We had a Holla-Day party at a restaurant/bar and I wasn't sure what to expect. Some of the party goers were underage and I had planned on this particular Sunday evening to be an in and out greeting and a long night of How I Met Your Mother episodes. I left the apartment and bid my roommate goodbye, assuring her I'd be back in about an hour.

Many vodka drinks, tequila shots, and human pyramids later, I stumbled into my apartment circa 3 am.

Needless to say, the Holla-Day party was more than I expected. It was a half a glass of beer in when my boss ordered a Captain and said, "hey, it's Christmas." It was at this point I decided for one night, and one night only, this group of people would get to see something really special.

The thing about Holla-Day parties, though, is having to face your co-workers the next day. No one really speaks, everyone drinks a lot of water, and eye contact is consensually thrown away for a bit.
As awful as it sounds, you can all delight yourselves in knowing it's not as rock bottom as it could be.

Just a few months into my job, after the Holla-Day party, an underage worker I managed had to take me home. If that isn't bad enough, he also had to pick me up the next day to take me to my car.

Fortunately for me, I've created long lasting friendships with these people in order to regain what little dignity I had.

Test the waters with your boss, but when he says human pyramid, you go all out, because, "hey, it's Christmas."

Thanks for soundin' down and Happy Holidays. But mostly, thanks for soundin' down.

..........

catechism ( /ˈkætəkɪzəm/Ancient Greekκατηχισμός from kata = "down" + echein = "to sound", literally "to sound down" (into the ears), is a summary or exposition of doctrine, traditionally used inChristian religious teaching from New Testament times to the present.[1] Catechisms are doctrinal manuals often in the form of questions followed by answers to be memorized, a format that has been used in non-religious or secular contexts as well.