Friday, December 28, 2012

I Am Judging Your Outdoor Lawn Decor

You know what's tacky? Plastic and blowup holiday decorations.

Christmas is over, take them down. If you happen to be one of these people that enjoys these types of decorations, don't tell me, because I will never, again, look you in the eye.

There are so many issues with this creepy form of decor. First, what pole did you run into that knocked the idea in your head that it was cute? It's not cute. Nor will it ever be cute.

Next, why is it that every year they get bigger and tackier? If you don't know the history behind the word Christmas, it's Swedish for classy. These decorations are not classy and therefore, by the Word of God and Sven, should not be used.

And finally, these poor excuses for joy are going to cause the end to this world. The extra running lights, the constant fan that's keeping your 20 foot Santa erect, it's all going to come crashing down. It's safe to say the establishments with these "things" are definitely not green, but red. And red equals hell.

Stick with simplicity. Lights. A tree. Ornaments. Stockings. Read the Night Before Christmas. Nowhere within the pages of this classic piece of literature are plastic and blowup decorations mentioned. What's worse, is this idea had spread from Christmas to all types of American holidays. I bow my head in shame at any outsider who has to see this monstrosity.

I heed a wise warning to anyone within my realm of being with plastic and/or blowup holiday decorations. I, for the love of God, will spartan kick them in and help make this world a classier, more joyous place.

                                                    ^ creepy

Thanks for soundin' down.


catechism ( /ˈkætəkɪzəm/Ancient Greekκατηχισμός from kata = "down" + echein = "to sound", literally "to sound down" (into the ears), is a summary or exposition of doctrine, traditionally used inChristian religious teaching from New Testament times to the present.[1] Catechisms are doctrinal manuals often in the form of questions followed by answers to be memorized, a format that has been used in non-religious or secular contexts as well.