Wednesday, December 12, 2012

I Obstructed Your Chi

I took a small pause in my work out regimen to lay in bed for twenty straight hours, but decided to jump back on the horse this week. My workout of choice--yoga.

I felt yoga appropriate for many reasons. It's the most relaxing way to work out your body and it takes your mind to a completely different place and off of the fact that snot from your nose is now running past your chin.

Yes, I'm still sick. And yes I'm still talking about it.

I was in a power yoga class last night and it started out great. Getting warmed up, getting relaxed, and calming my mind is just what I needed in this sick and tragic time. I'm not sure if you've ever done yoga, but if not, here are some of the rules. It's generally a quiet environment, balance is huge, and it is vital to sync your movements with your breathing.

If you can't guess what my breathing sounds like right now, I'll give you a short synopsis via text.
Inhale, cough, exhale, cough six times. Inhale half way, cough, exhale, snot out of my nose. Now that that incredibly seductive description is filling your head, let's move on.

I power through the Ashtanga Sun Salutations and into balance postures like a pro. But it's here that things get really exciting.

I'm holding a pose for an extended period of time. My entire body is shaking in labor, and I'm focusing on my breathing. It's here I realize I have to cough. But it's so quiet. And everyone is working on avoiding crashing to the floor. I'm holding my breath as I attempt to suppress my ailment when the instructor walks by and reminds me to breathe. "No shit," I think to myself.

I exhale with a dry wheeze and the man next to me quickly darts his angry eyes in my direction, only wobbling slightly. I close my eyes and try, again, to focus on, not my breathing, but my coughing. I inhale and and exhale successfully and become more confident in my pose. Just as a smile brushes my lips, I cough louder and harder than ever and have no control. I take an extra large sniffle to grasp what is now running down my face and look to my left, where the man has completely fallen out of his pose and is now dirty eyeing me.

I made it through the rest of the class with no other issues beside the grudge burning my left side. Yes, I obstructed your chi and, apparently, it's the worse thing I could ever do.

I regained what little dignity I had in the eyes of the ruined-chi-man, and made sure to hack earnestly in his direction as he sanitized his mat. He gave it one extra spray.

I'll be sure to sit next to him again tonight.

Thanks for soundin' down.

..........

catechism ( /ˈkætəkɪzəm/Ancient Greekκατηχισμός from kata = "down" + echein = "to sound", literally "to sound down" (into the ears), is a summary or exposition of doctrine, traditionally used inChristian religious teaching from New Testament times to the present.[1] Catechisms are doctrinal manuals often in the form of questions followed by answers to be memorized, a format that has been used in non-religious or secular contexts as well.