Friday, December 7, 2012

Pants are a Prison

I really enjoy not wearing pants. True story. 

One thing I've noticed is when people are angry or upset or bored, they're often wearing pants. 

I feel like many of the world's problems could be solved or headed to a solution if people would just sometimes take off their pants. If you think about it, some of the most entertaining things are done without pants--canon balls, snorkeling, sitting in hot tubs--among other things..

But unfortunately, pants are a prison, and society has made pants a torturous necessity. Good luck picking up that box in those freshly washed jeans. Thanks for the burning tears as your intense-as-the-sun behind blinds me as you sit in your dinner chair. Better pick up a sewing kit after that cheerleader jump in excitement as you scored the last Bieber tickets. 

Long story short, pants are limiting. Without pants, the world is your playground. Bending over, jumping jacks, organizing your closet, everything would be more enjoyable. The nation's deficit would obviously be less, the homeless needn't find as many clothes and Italian would come more easily to me. 

Much to my dismay, the only true freedom I have being pants-less is in my own home (and occasionally on the balcony). I would also like to thank my roommate at this point for still allowing me to sit on her couch. 

So my advice to America--When you've had a rough day, suffering from writer's block, and the dishwasher isn't working, take your pants off. And let the freedom rush over your legs and into your heart, where the prison of pants will never infiltrate. 

And happy no pants Friday. 

Thanks for soundin' down.


catechism ( /ˈkætəkɪzəm/Ancient Greekκατηχισμός from kata = "down" + echein = "to sound", literally "to sound down" (into the ears), is a summary or exposition of doctrine, traditionally used inChristian religious teaching from New Testament times to the present.[1] Catechisms are doctrinal manuals often in the form of questions followed by answers to be memorized, a format that has been used in non-religious or secular contexts as well.