Friday, December 21, 2012

Too Bad The World's Over

If you're reading this, you're one of the few 7 billion who survived the end of the world.

If you're not reading my blog, I'm assuming you're dead.

Regardless, this hype for the end of the world has sure made a great excuse for drinking. Not only that, it's made a pretty great excuse for not doing just about anything.

Here is my list of the top ten things you DON'T have to do if the world ends:
1. Shower - Or necessarily care about personal hygiene in general.
2. Pay back student loans - Or any loan for that matter. Get a loan approved to buy a Ducati and then use it as a shield for paintball. (You will also be paintballing on the last day)
3. Pay bills - Make it rain on whatever you pleasure and forget the utilities and cable bills.
4. Buy Christmas gifts - Technically, the world ends before Christmas so, why wait in lines and crowds of people.
5. Watch your figure - Go ape shit on whatever food you like, except for twinkies, and feel no remorse the following day. Additionally, there is no need to get off your ass and go to the gym. You're welcome.
6. Go to work - This just goes without saying.
7. Clean your apartment or living space - Do zombies really care if fresh flowers and doilies are out? Well, maybe, but I won't risk it.
8. Follow the law - At some point during the end of the world, use for laws will be elementary and people will do whatever they want anyway. YOLO**.
9. Keep your purchase receipts - Okay fine, I don't do this anyway.
10. Wear pants everywhere - In reference to a previous blog post, this is the time when taking off your pants should be celebrated and deliberately used freely.

Congratulations if you survived. If you feel, however, this list should be applied regardless of survival, please keep in touch on your findings. In the meantime, my advice for an end of the world apocalypse is this--beer and stuff.

Thanks for soundin' down and good luck out there. But mostly, thanks for soundin' down.


**This is a phrase I will condone under these circumstances only.

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catechism ( /ˈkætəkɪzəm/Ancient Greekκατηχισμός from kata = "down" + echein = "to sound", literally "to sound down" (into the ears), is a summary or exposition of doctrine, traditionally used inChristian religious teaching from New Testament times to the present.[1] Catechisms are doctrinal manuals often in the form of questions followed by answers to be memorized, a format that has been used in non-religious or secular contexts as well.