Wednesday, January 9, 2013

A Load of Horsesh*t

Horses are frightening.

They're huge, they could kill you with one kick and the size of their poop is devastating. All in all, it's safe to say horses are not my friends.

Fortunately for me, my work is creating the programs for a huge international horse show coming through Omaha. If you haven't picked up on my sarcasm yet, I will now subtly point it out. I spend a majority of my work day looking up horse stuff. Honestly, the next worst thing would be looking up bird shirts or decorating my house with plastic snowmen.

I've learned more about horses in the last few days doing my own research than I should ever have to know. P.S. Did you know horses eat Purina? Weird. Aside from the fact that I would maybe splurge for a pair of riding boots because they're cute, the helmets shaped like male genitalia are not okay, although seemingly, worn proudly.

After perusing through countless websites and magazines, the only yearning I have is for the smell of polo cologne. I do have the feeling, however, horses do not smell this way. Ralph Lauren should consider horse cologne. Or maybe I would admire horses if the Polo guy was always on them. Regardless, in no way has this process made me more likely to appreciate horses. Although, I witnessed a dalmatian horse. What's that about?

My boss walks into my office after we landed the account to create these programs. This is a good thing for business because people who own horses generally have money to spend. So with his inflated chest, my boss relates to all that, although none of us know anything about horses, we'll get VIP passes to this show and get to experience the horses first hand. We get front row seats, stable tours and time to meet the horses. While the rest of the office projects their excitement, I feign a smile paired with scary wide eyes. Hell. No.

I am reminded, daily, of this exciting opportunity and am surprised at my acting skills as no one has noticed my frequent lying. I imagine this experience will be a little Fear Factor-ish. Come one, come all who want to witness me fainting in public.

Thanks for soundin' down.


catechism ( /ˈkætəkɪzəm/Ancient Greekκατηχισμός from kata = "down" + echein = "to sound", literally "to sound down" (into the ears), is a summary or exposition of doctrine, traditionally used inChristian religious teaching from New Testament times to the present.[1] Catechisms are doctrinal manuals often in the form of questions followed by answers to be memorized, a format that has been used in non-religious or secular contexts as well.