Monday, January 28, 2013

Being A Lady Kicks Ass

Recently inspired by fishnet tights, I thought it was important to relate all the great things about being a lady.

Maybe I shouldn't use the term lady due to it's subsequent responsibilities. I'll say woman because you don't have to be classy to own it, unlike yours truly.

This list may differ from woman to woman, but my generalities, I'm sure, are widely acknowledged.

1. Your music library is... interesting. Some may use the term eclectic, but let's be honest, when your playlist goes from Imagine Dragons to the Glee Season 2 Soundtrack to Frank Ocean, people raise their eyebrows at you. Fortunately, being a woman, this judgement is usually passed and you can shrug it off to match your many different moods throughout the day. Let's, for good measure, add Miley Cyrus to that list.

Second. You're an emotional time bomb. It doesn't matter how you feel when you wake up in the morning, one thing can change your mood to result in exactly the opposite. You're ecstatic then start crying. You're tired then A.D.D. kicks in. You're ready to kill someone then techno dancing to Sandstorm like it's 1999. This can be viewed as a problem, but if you break it down, you may see it differently. Your change in mood may seem like a con, but using it as an excuse for anything, unknowingly, makes it a pro. You're welcome.

Three. Boobs. Enough said.

Quatro Quatro. To avoid graphic material, there is a week long amount of time every month that a practical sickness can and will, not only get you out of everything, but also make an excuse to eat whatever you want, bitch as much as you like and promote slave-like tendencies from your male counterpart. Milk this.

And lastly, the best part about being a woman--beer. Or vodka. Or tequila. If you haven't already experienced it, get out there. Your being a woman is an automatic ticket to alcohol. And what alcohol tastes better than free alcohol? None alcohol.

Bask in these joys as you lead your life as a woman and, to some, a lady. Take that free shot of jagër as you make up the lyrics to MmmBop and thank your emotions and lady lumps for aiding this action.

Thanks for soundin' down.


catechism ( /ˈkætəkɪzəm/Ancient Greekκατηχισμός from kata = "down" + echein = "to sound", literally "to sound down" (into the ears), is a summary or exposition of doctrine, traditionally used inChristian religious teaching from New Testament times to the present.[1] Catechisms are doctrinal manuals often in the form of questions followed by answers to be memorized, a format that has been used in non-religious or secular contexts as well.