Wednesday, January 2, 2013

I'm A Mild Savant

I like to see myself as a mild savant.

My talent, you ask? Having mediocre brain power while incredibly intoxicated. You may be wondering how this is a talent, but if you know me well, you know that even when the tallest towers of alcohol are consumed, I still manage to keep my shit together.

Every once in awhile, I have an out of body moment that causes me to realize whatever I'm doing is no longer socially acceptable. And this incredibly useful talent is what separates my drinking skills from the boys. It is important to note that in carefully hand picked crowds or occasions, I just don't care and continue my social unacceptability.

I will describe this experience from a recent situation.

I was having a few beers with some friends at my apartment. After about two, I realized, "hey, I think I want to commit to drinking this evening." When a very good friend of mine showed up with a bottle of tequila, I knew it was going to be special.

We drank until the morning. Sharing stories, shots, feelings, shots, music, and did I say shots? Regardless, an exuberant amount of alcohol later, I'm watching my friend play a song on his guitar. This was a song I knew and obviously recommended.

At this point, it is important to note that even when fairly drunk, I can still sing my little heart out (I have references). But this particular evening with this particular amount of alcohol put an end to my flawless streak. It was here I realized I could NOT sing no matter how hard I tried.

I started with confidence, hit a few pitches, maybe some too flat and hummed to myself for awhile. When I finally removed myself from my body, I looked down and said, "stop trying." And thankfully, even in the eyes of someone close, my untarnished reputation remained intact.

Needless to say, my talent of keeping my shit together has made for my drinking ability to reign superior, regardless if you really know or not. I applaud all who have come with me this far as my savant-ness continues.

Thanks for soundin' down.

P.S. I've already written 2012 four times today. Rats.

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catechism ( /ˈkætəkɪzəm/Ancient Greekκατηχισμός from kata = "down" + echein = "to sound", literally "to sound down" (into the ears), is a summary or exposition of doctrine, traditionally used inChristian religious teaching from New Testament times to the present.[1] Catechisms are doctrinal manuals often in the form of questions followed by answers to be memorized, a format that has been used in non-religious or secular contexts as well.