Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Ahh, The Highlights of Kansas

Sometimes, Kansas is special. I'm not referring to adjectives like charming or quaint, I'm talkin' short bus special.

I recently took a trip to Kansas to visit my parents. Now, I am absolutely, 150% times infinity not from Kansas, so I would appreciate no association. Now, up until recently, I've really only considered Kansas bad at football and the home of Worlds of Fun, which, I feel, gave Kansas a better light than my new experiences have divulged. My parents moved to a place called Dodge City.


Yes, this drive from Omaha is about 7 hours and oh, so joyful. I'm pretty sure I passed 23 cars on the way back. Regardless, whilst driving, I encountered a few interesting things. I've learned that Kansas is not good at slogans. In fact, pretty terrible at slogans. 

Dodge City, Kansas is known for its famous tie to the successful Western, Gunsmoke. They've done a good job remaking Front Street and putting in a few tourist attractions to this small "Western" town. However, the slogan for Dodge City is "Get the Heck out of Dodge." Hm.. Spending money on gaining tourists, yet telling them they should get the f%$* out is rather oxymoronic. 

Case number two. Some of the areas I travelled through are notoriously Catholic and, therefore, don signage of their views on abortion. This is no new trick as pretty much every where in Catholic America does this. What is interesting though, is how the signage is worded. The first sign I passed had an illustration of a sleeping baby with the caption "Thanks Mom! I got born!" I legitimately have no words. No words.

The last anti-abortion sign I passed was one with an illustration of a Koala bear hanging onto a tree with the slogan, "Save the baby humans." I'm unsure as to what is intended by this, but I can only imagine a fight between the Catholics and PETA are about to break out. 

Regardless, I was baffled by this and am thankful traffic is extinct so I could gawk accordingly. My last bit of fun from my Kansas trip actually has nothing to do with slogans. I passed a huge billboard in a small town advertising an auto repair company with the giant word "Schartz" across the center. They're last name is pronounced sharts. Wow. 

Thanks for soundin' down.

..........

catechism ( /ˈkætəkɪzəm/Ancient Greekκατηχισμός from kata = "down" + echein = "to sound", literally "to sound down" (into the ears), is a summary or exposition of doctrine, traditionally used inChristian religious teaching from New Testament times to the present.[1] Catechisms are doctrinal manuals often in the form of questions followed by answers to be memorized, a format that has been used in non-religious or secular contexts as well.