Tuesday, February 19, 2013

When Dates Turn Into Murders

We've all met those people who seem really nice, but then turn out to be a little murdery.

If this hasn't happened to you yet, you're about to embark on a Ted Bundy-esque excursion.

A friend of mine recently went out on a casual date. You would maybe even call it more of a "hang out." It was with someone she'd known for a few years and seemed really nice. So, he invited her over to his house to, what are the kids calling it these days, chillax? Regardless, I've decided to keep my friend's identity under wraps and will be referring to her as Wanda.

Shortly after her arrival, it became very clear to Wanda that this man had not been on many dates. Within minutes, her date was attempting to entertain her with a slew of youtube videos. After sitting through a few, Wanda made no attempt to mask her disapproval and tried to move onto conversation. Her date, who we can refer to as Milo, was not picking up what Wanda was throwing down. Milo continued for about an hour to woo her with internet videos.

It was after this awkward situation that things started to look up for Wanda. Milo offered her.. some sandwiches. This is a reference from How I Met Your Mother. If you don't know what eating sandwiches means in this context, I've conveniently attached the link at the bottom. Now more relaxed, Milo asked Wanda if she would like to see his recording studio. She thought it couldn't hurt so agreed. After 15 minutes in the car headed out of town, Wanda began to get nervous of where Milo may be taking her. She asked, again, where this studio was and he assured her it was getting close.

They arrived at a house. In the middle of no where. In the dark.

This is when Wanda decided maybe Milo didn't seem so "nice" after all. Paranoia was setting in, possibly from the sandwiches, but he was still being creepy. She quickly messaged a few friends nearby to let them know of her whereabouts, rightfully so.  The studio was, of course, in the basement. When they entered the basement, 3 other men were already in "the studio." There was a video camera aimed at a wall, and Wanda couldn't make out what was being said or done. Once inside, Milo relayed that the studio walls were concrete and steel and that there is no way anything could be heard from the outside.

Now, Milo had morphed into Ted Bundy and was being absolutely murdery. Wanda needed to bolt. With knowledge of a possible fight, Wanda demanded the keys from Milo and said she would sit in the car. He, perplexed and thankfully, handed her the keys.

With fresh air in her lungs and green earth beneath her, Wanda contemplated taking the car and running. If this were a movie, Wanda would probably try to start the car, but it he would have already cut the cables. She would have then taken off by foot, where he would catch up to her even though he was walking. I've never understood these physics.

Regardless, after a few deep breaths, Wanda decided to wait in the car. It was 20 minutes before Ted, I mean Milo, came out of the house. Even if he's not murdery, he's terrible at picking up on social cues and clearly does not know how to treat a date.

Wanda was itching to get back to his house and take her car, possibly without a good bye. But when he asked if she wanted to stay to watch a hit show, Wanda stopped dead in her tracks.

Milo had Wanda at Breaking Bad. "Do I risk my life to get caught up on a few episodes?" Sure, she spent the next few hours avoiding his contact on every piece of furniture in the living room, but, hey, she got to see what was in store for Walt and Jesse.

Whether murder was really in question, it was a horrible date. So next time someone "seems" nice, look into it, maybe invite a friend and avoid any situation where the murdery side of someone is free to be released.

And seriously, don't stay to watch Breaking Bad.

Thanks for soundin' down.


catechism ( /ˈkætəkɪzəm/Ancient Greekκατηχισμός from kata = "down" + echein = "to sound", literally "to sound down" (into the ears), is a summary or exposition of doctrine, traditionally used inChristian religious teaching from New Testament times to the present.[1] Catechisms are doctrinal manuals often in the form of questions followed by answers to be memorized, a format that has been used in non-religious or secular contexts as well.

Eating Sandwiches via HIMYM