Friday, June 14, 2013

Today, I Start My Goal of Being a Trophy Wife

I think I would make an incredible trophy wife.

I'm organized, I like to take naps, I've been dreaming of a giant closet, and I'm pretty great at drinking. All of these are essentials to becoming a trophy wife.

For the last few hours, I've been sitting at an unidentified event for unidentified professionals. These professionals happen to make quite a bit of money. This has resulted in a hotel lobby full of trophy wives.

Upon observation, I've decided I'm totally capable and willing to live this lifestyle. Two TW's happen to camp out near my booth, where I had to hardly evesdrop on their ridiculous conversation.

First it was about treadmills. Of course. "I ran 3 miles today in the hotel gym. That treadmill is NOTHING like mine at home. That's what sucks about traveling all the time."

"Oh, I looked at it. I decided to do pilates in the room this morning instead."

"Ah, I need to get back into pilates. I loved my shape during pilates."

The pitted out dude named Ashley in the booth across from me scoffed at the size of my eyeroll.

The next conversation topic covered face products, all of which I've never even heard of, therefore causing me to feel like less of a woman. Or perhaps not as concerned with my face.

I think the gabbing hour ended with crude comments of another trophy wife.

Regardless, the TW's eventually began strolling around the lobby. They both had their group of children, dressed in clothes, I'm assuming, more expensive than mine. They chatted, probably about cameoing in the most recent Real Housewives episode as their monsterous children raided all the treats and swag from the booths. Classic.

For a minute, a look of judgement graced my face as I couldn't turn away from this monstrocity. Then one of the tiny ladies said to the other tiny lady, "should we call the nannies and get ready to eat lunch?" To which the other replied, "you mean drink lunch?"

It was this moment in time, as I'm at work, that I decided I could succeed as a trophy wife. In fact, I could probably be president of some club of them that doesn't really do anything other than hold an annual bake sale that is regarded as the biggest life event ever. I could pretend to be stressed and need a big glass of wine at night and act as though my husband has no concern of what I do daily.

Today, I've decided to lay out a plan for this idea. I will start by drinking tonight.

I, also, hope Blake is on board with this.

Thanks for soundin' down.


A catechism ( /ˈkætəkɪzəm/; Ancient Greek: κατηχισμός from kata = "down" + echein = "to sound", literally "to sound down" (into the ears), is a summary or exposition of doctrine, traditionally used inChristian religious teaching from New Testament times to the present.[1] Catechisms are doctrinal manuals often in the form of questions followed by answers to be memorized, a format that has been used in non-religious or secular contexts as well.