Wednesday, July 3, 2013

The "A" is Silent

Upon approaching this classically celebrated holiday, many things come to mind. Hot dogs, sunshine, beers, and of course, the never ending shouting of ,"Merica!"

This term has grown exponentially in popularity within the last few years, making it a commonplace phrase. Enough so, that it can practically be applied to any situation.

You see a tiny car driving down the free way with a lawn chair strapped to the top: Merica.
You shotgun a beer: Merica.
You test drive an Audi just because: Merica.
You witness a shirtless man sitting on his lawn with his beer gut out, putting down a Old Mud at 8 in the morning while watering the grass: Merica.

The unaddressed question that comes to mind, why the Silent A? Technically, only a quarter of this country speaks with a southern accent, the history behind the A, yet it's been adopted as a nationwide concept. However, after doing my own research, when compared with anyone other "American" accent, they come off as too intellectual. It comes with an ignorance that justifies any asshole thing you do, therefore, it's important to sound like an asshole when speaking it. 

So, the next revolving question: why are we the only upstanding citizens that get to enjoy this? I feel this wide spread wonder should be shared with the world. However, implications follow. You must be an idiot sometimes. You must be able to drink beer. And, finally, you must have your own "Silent A."

Below, I've created a list of countries with the ability to incorporate the Silent A:
'Geria
'Menia
'Ghanistan
'Bania
'Stralia (Although I've been directed by natives to use 'Straya)

It was here that I noticed the list of the Elite Silent A countries ends drastically, as a few of the A countries have asinine names that just sound stupid. Case and point, 'Zerbaijan. Why not spread this joyous patriotism to those without the A?

I urge you to use your thickest Southern drawl when reading this. Go ahead and read it aloud, if necessary.
'Hamas
'Gladesh
'Bodia
'Rica
'Stonia
'Maica
'Rael

Also, it's important to note that when this rule is applied to Canada, it's 'Nada. Ironic.

Regardless, the use of 'Merica has become a new 'Merican tradition. So when you're out playing bags this weekend, taking jello shots, and spraying passerby's with the hose, it's all justified when you end your idiotic action with ,"Merica!"

Happy Birthday, 'Merica. Fireworks and stuff.

Thanks for soundin' down.



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A catechism ( /ˈkætəkɪzəm/; Ancient Greek: κατηχισμός from kata = "down" + echein = "to sound", literally "to sound down" (into the ears), is a summary or exposition of doctrine, traditionally used inChristian religious teaching from New Testament times to the present.[1] Catechisms are doctrinal manuals often in the form of questions followed by answers to be memorized, a format that has been used in non-religious or secular contexts as well