Wednesday, November 13, 2013

The "Shitcident"

I"ll set the scene.

It was a bright and shiny Sunday morning, despite the foggy hangover that clouded our eyes, judgement, and willpower. We were spending this day not only watching football, eating greasy, much needed junk food, and trying to decide if it's worth sitting up to reach the remote on the coffee table or just to lay there, but also dog-sitting.

This is our baby girl, Lucy. (I wanted to let you know because I'm SURE you haven't seen a photo of her as of late.)

She is the most beautiful doggie in the world, And she's finally calmed her puppy tendencies (ish) and is SO much more tolerable. However, because she is a Blue Tick Hound, she requires a lot of exercise. And one of our favorite ways to accomplish this is a doggie playdate.

We have several friends who also have dogs, and they've all played together countless times. And for this, we are thankful. So, when asked if we would dogsit two of our friends baby Husky, we obviously said yes. Hm, a way for Lucy to play and be happy and tired while we can sit on the couch and pretty much do nothing. Yes.

This is Lucy and Kota. (Their relationship is complicated as Kota like to hump other ladies.)

So Kota shows up, and Lucy is ready to party. They play and play like usual. Fortunately, they're the same size so neither feels dominated completely. Now, they're wrestling in the living room, maybe 10 minutes in to arrival, and I wander to the kitchen to make sure they have water. And by they, I mean me, as we polished off a bottle of Fireball the night before (GBR). I walk around the couch and find the entire kitchen covered in blood.


After some frantic pointing and flailing, Boyfriend and I manage to separate the two. They hadn't made any noises to imply pain, but they are puppies, and they do like to party. As it turns out, Kota had bit his lip, which caused just a little bit of blood. But followed with a heaping help of water, which he, in turn, splashed all over the kitchen. It was actually blood-water. Mostly water, thankfully, but I had to check my shorts due to panic.

So they both have a few blood spots on them. We clean up as best we could, begrudgingly admitting we'd have to give baths later when they calm down.

So the playdate lived on. We watched football and ate hotdogs. And after about an hour after the "Bloodcident" we encountered something much more horrific, the "Shitcident." This is a copywrite term from Boyfriend. I know he'd be angry if I took the glory.

All of a sudden the dogs were screaming. And flipping in mid air. And crying. And knocking everything over. And panicking.

It didn't take long for the rest of us to follow suit trying to assess the situation. They were stuck together. More closely, Lucy's two big bottom teeth were caught in the latch of Kota's collar. Lucy was choking Kota, and Kota was trying to rip Lucy's face off.

It was f%^&ing horrible.

We tried to wrangle them in. We had calmed Lucy to where she was sitting, but Kota, who was being choked and just utterly confused in general, was not having it. He was still flipping and freaking and probably twerking, all the while still hurting both parties.

I, of course, couldn't handle it. I started crying immediately and had to leave the room. Typical mother.

Boyfriend, however, took the reigns. He grabbed Kota by the body and held his mouth shut, while our good friend Troy tried to unleash the two, pun intended. Kota stopped for an estimated millisecond and kept flailing. Just so scared and mostly confused. So in his fright, he did what any dog/human/alien/plant would do.

He shit.


And mid-air I might add. This gives image to the splatter path.

Mostly on Boyfriend, who can't handle anything bodily fluid related without gagging. Fortunately, at this point, the two dogs became unstuck. So, I approach and boyfriend has feet covered in poo, unwilling to move because of the minefield of shit around him. Boyfriend won't even look and is sternly and loudly asking me to clean the shit off his feet. So I did, with shaky hands, and despite the closeness of the horrific events, trying to keep from laughing.

So, an hour and half into our doggie playdate, both dogs were covered in blood and feces.

I don't think we're very good babysitters.

Thanks for soundin' down..


catechism ( /ˈkætəkɪzəm/Ancient Greekκατηχισμός from kata = "down" + echein = "to sound", literally "to sound down" (into the ears), is a summary or exposition of doctrine, traditionally used inChristian religious teaching from New Testament times to the present.[1] Catechisms are doctrinal manuals often in the form of questions followed by answers to be memorized, a format that has been used in non-religious or secular contexts as well