Tuesday, January 14, 2014

So, Blogs Came Back

For those of you history lovers, here's a short lesson on blogs.

The actual term "blog" came from the term "weblog." Initially meant to be web-log, but later nicknamed blog (I'll admit, I first read it as "we-blog"). I imagine they were worried about being confused with large-bearded, plaid-wearing men chopping and hustling tree trunks in rivers throughout the North. Thank God they differentiated, because I would sure be confused. 

Regardless, this bout of first blogs combated its way to users in the far off year of 1999. No one was even alive then! And even though it was cool in the beginning, it didn't go anywhere for awhile. It wasn't until important people, like Google, purchased blogger.com and made it a point to make it easier for bloggers. Surprise, Google bought something*!

*It's at this point that I thank Google for offering their free services and handy, user-friendly interface. I am, also, pretty sure Google is running the world and I don't want to piss them off and have them send a lazer to my head through my Kinect or my iPhone or an Amazon drone even though they don't own those things, but because I'm pretty sure they just can.

After its slow start, all of a sudden blogs came back. Around 2004, people actually started reading blogs. More specifically, political-based blogs, but still blogs. And, of course, with the commonality of the smart phone, tablet and ever increasing time for the internet, blogs became huge. Not to mention the help of sites like Buzzfeed or Reddit, blogs have just exploded. And exploded to this:

"28 Signs Your Dating the Wrong Person."
"45 Life-hacks That Will Make Your Life Not Suck Anymore."
"Is He Marriage Material or is He Really a Serial Killer?"
"A Title That Portrays Advice and Gets You to Read and Something About Ryan Gosling."

You know what I'm talking about. Everything is about advice now. This blog will get you laid. This blog will get you married. This blog is your get out of jail free card. It's, like, enough!

I'm pretty sure I made it this far in my life without having to read blogs for advice. And we all know that Web MD is only a mistake when you're sick. P.S. When you get a bloody nose, do not search Web MD.

What's even worse is how blogs have jumped from article-based formats to lists. Everything is lists. "25 Things You Should Do Before 25." No, I will not date anyone and everyone. No, I don't have enough money to go the airport and buy a ticket to the first place I see. And if you didn't learn from Yes Man, it warrants suspicious behavior to the TSA. My friends and I don't take spontaneous trips around Europe, occasionally. And if you've ever had a real job, the last thing you want to do is finish a book a week after working. I will go home form work and sit on my couch, and probably watch HBO and do laundry. Ah, your 20's.

What's really great is that most of these lists only apply to people under 30. It's like 30 is the age where you stop being important and apparently can't read or use computers anymore. You need all of these things done before 30. In all reality, I'm hoping that by the time I'm 30, I FINALLY have enough money to do these things. I'm struggling enough trying to pay credit card debt, student loans, and rent. Oh, and beer. 

So, in the spirit of asshat blog lists, here is mine.

10 Things I'm Trying to Not Fail at Before I'm Old and Decrepit. 

1. Pay off my credit cards.
2. Pay off my student loans.
3. Don't get so obese that you have to be in a wheelchair.
4. Save money for probably emergencies and not just for vacations because that's not real life. But if you can vacation, do that too.
5. Don't be an asshole to people.
6. Remember that your family is awesome and if you're going to use your credit card, it's to see them and probably for beer.
7. I wish I hated my phone more than I do, because I don't at all. But I'm working on that hatred.
8. Drink and eat food that supposedly causes cancer and is full of radiation because swiss cake rolls are delicious every once in awhile.
9. Work out because of #8.
10. Don't take stupid life advice from blogs because, more often than not, they are probably not the same person as you and aren't as awesome and you should be giving them advice on how to be awesome.

I hope you enjoyed my list, and I hope you don't take any of my advice because it really only applies to me. And remember that 30 isn't death. And resolutions are great but not cement. And anything anyone has to say about your relationship is probably wrong because they're not your boyfriend. Also, beer is delicious. 

Thanks for soundin' down.

..........

catechism ( /ˈkætəkɪzəm/Ancient Greekκατηχισμός from kata = "down" + echein = "to sound", literally "to sound down" (into the ears), is a summary or exposition of doctrine, traditionally used inChristian religious teaching from New Testament times to the present.[1] Catechisms are doctrinal manuals often in the form of questions followed by answers to be memorized, a format that has been used in non-religious or secular contexts as well