Thursday, November 20, 2014

Biblical Proportions

We all know that gay rights, very stupidly, is a controversial issue. Why people still believe that if two gay people marry, it apparently causes all volcanos to erupt and the weak to die, is beyond me. I, also, feel like it's incorrect to call it gay rights, because it's fucking human rights.

I have always considered myself to be Christian, but like most modern people, it's difficult to ignore how outdated the Bible is. More specifically, when it comes to social norms and what is accepted in culture today, as opposed to 2000 years ago.

In this respect, I've always maintained that opposing gay (human) rights because of a Bible verse is absolutely ridiculous. Unless you're still in the practice of selling your daughter into marriage for 3 goats and a herding dog, I highly doubt you're following the practices of social norm from Biblical times. I look at the Bible as more of a moral guideline, reading between the lines, if you will.

That being said, this was a letter written to Dr. Laura Schlessinger awhile back, after she made comments siding anti-gay. And, I may be behind the times on it, but I came across it today, and couldn't help but laugh in agreement with all of it.


1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. The passage clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you all have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you all can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Thanks for soundin' down.