Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Basil Diaries: A Tale of a Trade with Joe

I added a photo a little over a week ago to an undisclosed social media application that will remain nameless, but rhymes with Shminstagram.
This is mysterious photo
I was asked for my expertise on how to keep above Basil alive, and realized that I sort of don't know. So, as promised, I kept note of the daily adventures of Basil and am reporting back.

Day 1 | 9:00:00

Plant was purchased yesterday from location Trader Joe's. I did not know said Trader Businessman sold plants. Do I trust Joe? What does he trade other than Basil? Basil (bæz.l) has been sitting on table doing nothing. Smells pungent.

Day 2 | 12:00:00

Basil plant looks shockingly similar. I have done nothing to better or worsen it. A good sign. I ate some this morning. Tasted basily.

Day 3 | 9:00:00

I ate Basil again. It was good. He did not scream.

Day 4 | 15:00:00

I learned one has to water once a week and not leave in direct sunlight. This new information is vital and will be taken into serious consideration, provided I don't forget about plant.

Day 5 | 10:00:00

My roommate has been taking care of Basil. The demise of plant is no longer on my shoulders. Still watching. Things look remarkably the same.

Day 9 | 18:00:00

I left dear Basil for a holiday. I feel as though Basil became angry and sad in my absence, emotion from which he may never recover. He looks wilted and brownish. Is it possible dear Basil is dying? I called urgent care and they asked me how old my cat was. I don't think they were listening. A short Haiku.

Basil was once so bright
Now his poor leaves curl and wilt
Don't trust Trader Joes

The beginning of the end. I didn't want you to remember him in a worse state.

Day 10 | 9:00:00

I ripped what remaining sad sustenance poor Basil had to give. I put it on my eggs. It tasted as sad as it looked. Goodbye, dear Basil.

He's a Traitor Joe alright.

Thanks for soundin' down..